I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
