I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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