There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
