DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
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