I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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