there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
