sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
