By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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