I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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