You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
