wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
