he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
