I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
