I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
