Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
