I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
