I wish I could teleport
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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