Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
