if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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