You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
