I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
