First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
