Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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