"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
