When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
