remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
