You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
