Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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