Christians are straight up FREAKS
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
