awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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