Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
