I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
