i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just high enough for therapy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
