your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
