When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
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I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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