do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
