guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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