Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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