Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
