even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
