when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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