I just gift wrapped bread.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
