I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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