I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
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U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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