It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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