Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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