I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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