do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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