Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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