Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
