I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
