I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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