opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
