He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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