I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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