It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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