I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
