Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
