Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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