I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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