I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
