FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
