i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
