I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
