I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
