Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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