Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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