paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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