I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
