It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
