My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
