you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
