If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
